Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
only you would photoshop your dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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