i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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