Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
