I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
