i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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