Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
