weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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