found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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