Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
