I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
