i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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