FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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