eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
