My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
