you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
