Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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