i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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