I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
