Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
