You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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