I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
