She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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