..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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