he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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