He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
