i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
