I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
