carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
