I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
