Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
