My hand turned me down
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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