C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
