1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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