I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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