I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize