Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
