it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
