Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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