so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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