The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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