I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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