Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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