Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
