There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you bring me the toilet please
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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