The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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