I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
