I feel great
I just peed on a car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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