Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
