The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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