Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
