So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
