I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize