Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
