I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
