Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize