i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
