Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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