my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The Olympian is in my bed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
