You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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