I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
