Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize