Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
