I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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