you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
