we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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