You're my little dorito
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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