CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
