i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
