All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
