worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
