So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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