Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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