look no pants
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
