Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
