He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
